When I was 18 years old, I went to university.
For a month.
During that month, for various reasons (mostly to do with having a challenging childhood), I had pretty much what would be described as an emotional breakdown. I stopped eating properly, my anxieties started and I pretty much had to either leave university or fade away because there was no way I could cope with what was happening to me, it was beating me down and I let it.
I gradually built myself up again, bit by bit (more information on my two anxieties posts (Part 1, Part 2) and this year I feel pretty much stronger and happier than I have ever felt. It’s very much an internal thing, external issues have changed a lot over the last couple of years but I’ve felt relatively steady, which has been great.
The downside is that I still felt like a university dropout and that was gnawing at me. It has been difficult to watch friends, acquaintances and perfect strangers, have careers, acquired through a university degree when I know that I could be one of them, had I been able to stick it out.
But suddenly I came to a conclusion.
Dwelling on it was absolutely ridiculous.
Honestly, it was not changing the situation and it was just making me feel bad and in all honesty, my life is good, I’m blessed and there is no reason to be envious of anyone because everyone has their own crosses to bare.
So yesterday, I finally did what I should have done a long time ago:
I shredded everything relating to my time at uni (and there was a lot of it), all the acceptance letters, loan information and timetables have been destroyed and I feel so much better for it.
So now, I will continue to develop myself, as I have done all year, this year and I know I will move forward to become even stronger and even happier and that’s all that matters at the end of the day..
A much lighter Jen.